Dating is not like it used to be. Talking to my parents about what it was like when they were my age, there was not constant communication, jealousy sparked by Snapchat stories, mistrust built from shared locations, nor realistic expectations pressured by Facebook posts. People met in person, time spent together was more meaningful, life experiences were shared through conversation rather than seen through social media, and you more time away from your partner only to make the next meet up more exciting.

It would seem technology and social media has ruined dating and relationships forever. However, I do acknowledge the benefits technology has brought to present day dating. Communication is at your fingertips. You can share stories, thoughts, and stories with your partner the moment they happen, even if your partner is miles away. It’s like your partner is there with you during important life moments. Technology can facilitate in getting to know one another faster.

It’s evident dating has changed forever; it most likely will never go back to how it was when my parents were in their twenties. So it’s important to set boundaries. Technology and media have the opportunity to positively impact a relationship, however, it just as easily has the potential to break a relationship up. As The New York Times author Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, suggests “you should always make your partner feel more important to you than your [device], so dedicate at least 20 minutes a day to spending screen-free time together” (Marin, 2017).

20 minutes isn’t a long time, but it shows how technology runs our lives. So be mindful of the time you are spending with your partner. Use it to benefit your relationship and understand the ways in which it may be putting stress in your relationship. You should be enjoying the time you spend with your partner; don’t let technology get in the way if it’s causing unnecessary jealousy, miscommunication, mistrust, or pressure.

Each family is different; some are single parent households, others are two-parent households both working parents, some are in foster homes, or are being raised by grandparents, and the number of children varies, etc.. These differences need to be taken into account when analyzing a family’s technology habits and usage.

It is important for parents and caregivers to understand and educate themselves on the studies done regarding appropriate screen time and technology uses based on the child’s age and developmental stage. That is why I agree with the Balanced Approach, explained in the article titled Extending the Global Dialogue About Media, Technology, Screen Time, and Young Children. In regards to child screen time and technology, “research points to context, content, an time as important variables” (Ernest, Causey, Newton, Sharkins, Summerlin, & Albaiz, 2014). I believe that means time is not the only factor parents and caregivers should consider when limiting children’s usage.

As many can relate, it’s understandable that life happens sometimes. It isn’t as simple for most families to agree to a certain amount of time every day. Each day brings new challenges and obstacles and technology can be a reliable “babysitter”. So an easier way to control the media and technology use is by regulating the context and content, as explained in the balanced approach. Yes, time is a factor to keep in mind, but when time is not a feasible aspect to monitor, parents and caregivers can set limits on how the child is using the technology and what they are using the device for.

Parents and caregivers must educate themselves. For the days where time gets away from us, how can technology be used in the most beneficial way? Using tools such as those released by the American Academy of Pediatrics as a guideline would be beneficial as to understand the best possible way for children to use technology and media. It also can help with the pressure and guilt on those days where life happens and time gets past us.

Some key points: educate yourself on the guidelines and suggestions on child technology use and then accommodate to your family’s needs. Moderation is key. Nobody expects every parent/caregiver to be perfect all the time.

The elderly and children of today are not just separated by age but by their technology use and skills. We’re a part of a time where our youth are growing up, never knowing a world without technology. In contrast, the elderly population went most of their life without the need for technology. So what happens when a grandparent has to take over parenting for their grandchild? How does a new technology user parent a life long technology user?

The New York Times published an article called “Making Technology Easier for Older People to Use”. In this article they mentioned applications that turn devices into useful tools that make life easier and more efficient. Some examples include turning a tablet into a magnifying glass, an application that uses color codes and alarms for taking medications, or turning an iPad into a remote (Gustke, 2016).

Keeping those ideas in mind, if I were to create an application to aid grandparents in parenting their grandchildren, I would make sure it is easy to use, a simplistic design, and efficient. I would make a “one stop shop” application that includes all parenting aids by the click of one button. This may include easy to read calendars, color coded by person/event/category/etc.., emergency contacts that you can call by clicking on the number, live chat where parenting questions can be asked/advice can be given, how-to videos, and reminders.

Putting all the needed resources to parent most efficiently into one, easy to use, application will be less overwhelming to a new technology user, while still being relevant to this day in age.

If we compare families 20 years ago to a family present day, one difference is certain: technology use. With technology becoming more affordable, it means families have greater access to phones, laptops, tablets, desktops, gaming devices, etc.. And this means professionals working with families need to be in tune with the latest technological advances so that they can support a family in appropriate, ethical, and positive technology use in whatever device(s) they may have.

A family professional’s focus is on the “content and practice of family life”, however, in modern days, family life involves some sort of technology. It is important we incorporate technology use, not to teach, but how to use technology as an aid in parenting/family dynamics. We must encourage families to be responsible digital citizens, people who “make good choices, recognize intelligent technological behavior, and continually analyze their behavior in the use of various technologies” (Godfrey, 2016, p. 18). We do not need to push certain technologies on families, but how to properly use the ones they already have.

So do I believe it is the responsibility of family professionals to TEACH  families about technology, introduce and push for the latest and greatest device? No. Do I think it is important that family professionals facilitate in families’ understanding of appropriate device use for parenting and family life? Absolutely. Times are changing, technology is advancing, and families reflect those changes. It is important professionals mirror those changes as well.

As a college student, technology is my life. I communicate through technology; text, email, calling… friends, family, professors, peers, bosses, coworkers. All my assignments are online. I take notes on my laptop. And I get entertainment through technology with applications, games, Netflix, Hulu, and Spotify. Sometimes I’ll be using one technology at a time; sometimes I’ll be using three at a time for three different reasons.

Setting boundaries around technology seems almost impossible considering everything I use it for. However, I believe it’s necessary. One step I could (and have) take would be to create a technology use log. This can give insight into what I use technology for, how I use it, and why I use it? Then I can understand when I really don’t need technology and when I absolutely do. Another boundary is setting limits for oneself. For example, telling yourself you can’t look at emails after 5 pm, or Saturdays are for family and no technology. Setting limits and following through will make technology easier to walk away from, it may even feel good!

In the article titled “Plugged in and Stressed Out: Technology is killing the work-life balance”, by Chris Smith, the author notes that we are living in a time where are expected to contactable 24/7, in other words we are “digitally chained to our desks” (Smith). The author also notes the more hours a person works per week the higher likelihood of suicide and heart disease. So not only are boundaries important for our social lives but also our health.

Boundaries don’t have to mean decreasing technology time, but more about how and why technology is being used.

 

The video above, titled “Facebook Parenting: For the troubled teen.”, is a father who found a post written by his daughter on Facebook in which she went on a rant about her parents and their parenting styles.  Now, I acknowledge the daughter publicly said some pretty nasty things about her parents. However, the video has me thinking more about this father’s response more so than his daughter’s. In the article titled “Yes, Smartphones Are Destroying a Generation, But Not of Kids”, by Alexandra Samuel, we are reminded that often times we need to look at the technology habits and usage of parents before blaming the child.

It’s important to note this father’s parenting style. It seems his style is more authoritarian. The demands for the daughter are high and with his response, there is little warmth. The relationship between this father and daughter is full of conflict due to both seeking agency (power), noted from the Module 7 lecture slides. Another reason may be this teen is acting out due to regulations set by her father.

Then we look at the father’s use of technology, which is posed as important by Alexandra Samuel. We must look at the effects this father’s technology use has on his daughter. Children look to their parents as role models, even when it comes to technology use. Parents must be mentors, or positive models, in appropriate technology, and more specifically, internet and social media use (Samuel). If parents, like this father, do not model or communicate appropriate online behavior, how does a parent expect that of their kids? This father needs to consider his own online behavior and understand he is the adult– the role model.

If I were in this father’s situation, sure I would have much of the same anger and hurt. But I find parenting to be a personal and vulnerable experience. So I do not believe what he did was okay. To make his parenting so public opens up for ridicule, hate, and judgement to not only himself, but his daughter. Things I would do differently:

1. Talk to my daughter, ask “Why?” and “What can we both do better?”.
2. Ask her to delete the post, watch her do it.
3. Set a punishment.
4. (Re)Explain appropriate online use and expectations/rules.

And obviously, I would never create a video in the first place. By not doing this online, we avoid the world jumping in on our parenting. But we can also make this a learning and more positive experience by admitting half responsibility and opening it up for discussion. As Alexandra Samuel wrote, sometimes a child just wants their parent’s attention; maybe this daughter just needs to be heard.

Parents: before using technology to help parent, reflect on whether technology is really helping or not. Don’t be the next Youtube sensation!

The internet is an ugly place. People can hide behind their screen and their anonymity empowers them to put others down; To say exactly what they want to and not give a rip about whether they offend others. And trolls don’t realize the impact their words have on others. Yes, some can laugh it off, as we see celebrities read off “mean tweets”. But that’s not reality for a lot of people. There is already  so much pressure for perfection out in the world and enough negative self talk that nobody needs the added reminder that they aren’t good enough, or that their perspective doesn’t matter. Bullying doesn’t stop after high school; trolls are the modern day, adult bullies. Trolling is the cowardly way to put others down because they don’t have to be there to experience the pain they have caused. Trolls don’t have guilt because they don’t directly see their impact.

Lindy West’s podcast, “This American Life” is sadly one story of too many where the internet is an open door to horrible pain. Lindy’s story is a sad reminder of how awful anonymity makes people. However, it also reminded me that bullies often do so because of an insecurity within themselves. They are people who have felt the effects of the pressure our society puts on all of us. So who or what is the real problem here? Trolls, the internet, or society?

We need to start looking at the bigger picture. What is the root of such hateful and judgemental messages? Where do such standards come from? We can’t become immune to such hate, but we also can’t let it divide us. Let Lindy West’s story be a reminder that we are all human and we are all dealing with the same pressures of society. We all feel pain and hurt. So let’s spread kindness and empathy instead of judgement.

When you walk into the front of a college classroom today, you will see a sea of laptops with students typing away, looking up once in a while to either catch the powerpoint or fake their attention to the speaker. If you move to the back of the room, you will see a variety of screens, some filled with diligent note taking, the occasional Netflix movie, Facebook and other social media, emails, etc.. The argument of banning laptops in college classrooms is a double edged sword. You have the students who use their laptops to enhance their learning and you have the students who use their laptops as a distraction. As adults, it is our responsibility to decide how seriously we take our education. But where the responsibility gets blurry is when your personal laptop use starts affecting the people around you.

I’ll be honest, you won’t always catch my screen typing notes. It’s so easy to switch from Microsoft to Pinterest without your professor knowing. You become so involved in what’s on your screen, you forget the people around you. You forget the example you’re setting for others. Distraction spreads like wildfire; once one person shows disinterest, others begin to follow.

Though laptops serve as a large distraction, they also bring convenience to students and professors. Note taking is faster, paper doesn’t need to be wasted on exams, and large lecture classes can have discussions as a whole. When used appropriately, laptops serve as efficient tools for learning.

So, the question becomes do the positives outweigh the negatives? Unfortunately, I don’t think there is a clear answer to whether or not laptops definitively help or hinder learning. Distraction comes in all forms, not just on laptops. I don’t think laptops should be the main focus but instead we should be asking ourselves how can we engage learners so that distraction is not an option?